“AMEN!” The church would respond, happy to keep the energy flowing in the service.
The couple that sat next to me was polar opposites when it came to interacting. She walked into church first; he followed a few minutes later, perhaps after parking the car or visiting the men’s room. She would be the first to stand up; he’d wait until the pastor requested it. She reached into her purse three separate times for her checkbook, lipstick, and breath mints; he kept his arms folded throughout the service. She sang loudly; he’d mumble through a few lines of a hymn when she pointed to the words in the hymnal held in front of his face.
But after observing them for the whole service, I’m not so sure he is an introvert as much as he just knows his wife will be vocal enough in the service for the both of them. He was right.
Strike One
Although most of the songs were 20th century hymns and spirituals, there was one song that the congregation didn’t seem to know very well. While the pastor slowed up the piano and began to teach it line by line, Pamela spoke up and told the Pastor that it would be a lot easier if the words to the song were up on the screen. It was a passive/aggressive request, and I wondered how the pastor would publically deal with the admonishment for not being up to date with technology.
“When I was little, our church often didn’t have money for church books or the electricity for the lights. We’d learn the songs anyway and just sing them with all our heart to Jesus! I’d suggest we do the same thing this morning. Then when we have someone step up who will be CONSISTENT with helping with the lyrics on Sunday morning we will use the newer technology.”
We learned and sang the song without any modern assistance.
Strike Two
During the prayer segment of the sermon, the pastor covered several needs that were in the congregation and the community. Obviously attempting to get the church to pray without sharing too many personal details, the pastor talked in general about a pressing emergency that a family was experiencing. Pamela glanced to her left and her right, to the families in front of her and behind her, trying to figure out who was missing from the church role. Finally, exasperated she loudly asked, “Well, Pastor, who is it?”
The pastor patiently smiled and asked us all to pray even when we didn’t have names to match the requests.
Foul Ball
During the message a cell phone rang. Of course it was Pamela’s. She struggled to get back into her purse, find the gadget blaring the William Tell Overture, and push the appropriate button to turn the offending noise maker off. The pastor ignored the interruption, but looked perturbed.
“Oh look,” Pamela said to her husband, holding the cell phone in front of him. “Look who it is!” He glanced down at the screen but made no comment, nor uncrossed his arms. Pamela put the phone back into her purse, sat the purse under her chair, and focused back on the pastor.
Strike Three
Moments later it rang again!
The pastor, knowing exactly whose phone it was, asked the whole congregation, “Whose phone keeps interrupting the service?”
“It’s mine,” Pamela announced to the pastor. “I was trying to turn it off but I’m not sure how… The great thing is I’ve been trying to get in touch with this person for six months!”
Pastor just stared at her.
She stared back.
No one else dared blink or breathe.
Pamela finally stood and said, “I think I’ll take this call outside…”
The pastor turned to the congregation, “Amen?”
We all knew the desired response, even Pamela’s husband mumbled it.
“AMEN!”
"As in all the congregations of the Baptists, noisy women named Pamela should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Pastor requires. If they want to keep speaking up about something while interrupting the service, they should wait to do it at home with their own husbands over lunch.”
(1 Cor. 14:33b-36 If Paul had been writing to this particular church).
